Dreams...

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Writing this feels too difficult today. It’s been a hard week. I often daydream about things I wish would come to pass but today I don’t even know what to imagine. I don’t know what my heart is hoping for. 

This week our computer broke, last year on this day we lost a pregnancy. Our baby. And while I can say with ease that a child is more important than a computer, both make me wonder if I need to change my dreams. 

After two pregnancies lost, I wonder if being a mother will only be a dream.  And with our computer broken, I wonder if we will ever reach a point where we won’t be battling uphill just to share our art. I wonder if all my dreams will only ever be just that. Should I change my focus? Put my energy into something else? Will I loose myself? Am I anything without these dreams? 

All I know to do is stay the course and believe that our baby will come and our music will be heard.